High Anxiety

If you have high anxiety, ADHD, or if you find yourself anywhere on the Spectrum of Life, (or questioning) this blog is for you! Discussing and developing a community for neurodiverse humans is a priority for Audblog! We hope everyone on the spectrum of life can find a community here and a voice. Today’s Topic: Hyper Awareness, Anxiety, and High Drama Personalities. We’ll also introduce, the art of living a neurodiverse life, and being in neurodiverse relationships.

What is Neurodiversity?

First, we’re all different and not merely in our personality styles or personality type. There is another vital component: the brain and it’s own unique chemistry. We forget, brains are organs, nothing more, and not all brains are the same.

A commonly used definition of neurodiversity is the variation of brain functions and behavioral traits when compared to the majority of typical brains with more narrow variations in the “majority” population also called the “typical” brain – or typical persons. Often, a neurodiverse person is might be described as “being on the spectrum” versus “not on the spectrum.” I must emphasize, typical majorities are usually defined or classified as “normal” or “usual” – however, this thought in both medical and psychological sciences is changing. I like to think that brains are like Lemurs. All Lemurs are wildly different, yet they are still Lemurs. All human brains are different, yet, we’re all human. (I love Lemurs!)

Let’ Get Personal

To be blunt: I’ve been in therapy most of my adult life. I’ve had some varied diagnoses. However, there are a few theories that have stuck with me over time, meaning the diagnosis and the solutions to that diagnosis work and bear forward movement and improvement in my reality.

The terms I’ve adopted and accepted with a ton of help and wise counsel are Anxiety Disorder, ADHD with Hyper or Intense Focus, and PTSD & Related Trauma Behaviors. A more old-school therapist might call it “Emotional Disregulation,” for example, versus “Neurodiversity” or being on “the spectrum.” Either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you DO with your BRAIN which clearly, works!

Is this all My problem?

If you or someone you love is neurodiverse, don’t worry. There’s nothing “wrong” with you or them! The good news is: I learned to “work with my own brain” and you can too! More importantly, we also have to learn about my typical brains too! I want to validate you! I want you all to know that all of us with different brains are fabulous, vibrant, marvelous, loving, beautiful humans with gifts, talents and blessings to offer this world! We belong! Other people may not understand how our brains work. YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR OWN BRAIN WORKS EITHER——and that’s okay! It’s not problem to be solved, it’s brain to be managed!

Take a breath and remember It’s taken decades for the medical and psychological communities to get on board with confirming and validating neurodiverse brains. And it also difficult to understand the variety of behaviors that results from typical and atypical brains colliding in relationships!

Ying Yangs Zips & Tangs!

Gifts: As a neurodiverse person, I find there are gifts, take-aways, and ups and downs. I call these, Yings, Yangs, Zips and Tangs! Technically, it’s YIN and YANG but for my purposes I say, Ying and Yang because it’s easier to remember, so it’s not an oversight!

I find most problems in my relationships start with social situations and different environmental perceptions. My brain is ultra-perceptive in most social situations. That’s a Ying. I don’t miss “social cues” – and I make great eye contact. Social cues are not challenges for me. I’ve also worked in the media industry for over thirty years and I have decades of professional training and experience in complex communication and relationships and learning to “read rooms.” Yes, there is training out there, you can LEARN to read rooms. Believe me! Ying!

Hyper Drive!

I am also “HYPER AWARE” and have “INTENSE FOCUS.” I often sense things coming in fast, really fast, like lightning! Things like deception and manipulation are real for me way before they manifest in reality. I see the breadcrumbs where others don’t. Zip! I can crank out TONS of WORK, creative projects and can achieve massive of amount of work a lot in 24 hours. It’s a gift from my brain. ZIP! I can also think about many ideas at the SAME time and I remember things in pictures, in full color in extraordinary details. Like, what kind of carpet and tile is in a room, or a particular door handle. TANG!

Yangs

My Yangs: Having Intense Focus and Hyper Drive means I also have high anxiety! That means I worry all the time. Or, at times, I feel like I have broken glass inside my body, and it causes physical pains. Physical pain from emotional upsets, that’s a downside, and that’s my brain! I get the honor of managing both and living with it, YANG!

Because I see things coming in hard and fast, it’s difficult for me to relax and nearly impossible -at times to truly trust others. Trust and relaxation is another “take away” or a Yang from my brain: “I’m taking this ability away from you, Audra. We’re not going there!” … Don’t worry, I’ve learned to balance all this and so can you !

Ask Yourself Questions!

Get curious. Ask yourself, do you pick up on social cues? Does your loved one? Do your co-workers? Do you catch the vibe when someone is lying to you? Can you sense when you are being bullshitted? Do you get pissed off when people say exactly what you “want” to hear but there is ZERO sincerity to back it up? I know this might sound more like a “pet peeve” – but it’s not. These behaviors are simply, “brain functions” and we can learn to work with these varied functionalities. Ying. Yang. Zip. Tang!

Relationship Diversity

Are you the EXACT opposite of your spouse, best friend, boss, co-worker, teammate, or loved one? Do you find yourself getting frustrated with your relationships?

Example: me & my spouse, Tim, we’re opposites! I’m hyper-aware and intensely focused. He’s not. I’m super, laser-focused on social cues, he is not. I care way too much about what other people think about me and tend to worry about it greatly, and Tim could care even less about what others think, sometimes he doesn’t care at all, and I mean that. Can you see how these brain differences might cause some issues?

I’m an extroverted, dramatic personality. Tim’s phlegmatic and introverted. He never worries, not even about bills or taxes. I’m up all night doing the books. Ying, yang, zip, tang. Gifts and take-aways!

Does this sound like you or someone you love?

For us, our dramatic brain differences lead to us find a Neurodiverse Couples Therapist who specializes in couples with brain differences. It was the best decison we ever made, and getting hello saved our relationship! I’ll write more about his journey in future blogs.

Awareness & Wrap Up

Hopefully, I given you something to think about with some ultra-focus and high intensity! It’s an amazing journey and I promise, it’s totally worth it. My best suggestion right now is try and relax, take time and start becoming “aware” of your unique type of anxiety, your sense of situations and social activities, your sense of your relationship and its unique “landscape.” See if you can pin-point how you and your partner, loved one or co-worker are different. Is this just a behavior you can quickly change, or is this a brain difference? … Just think about it!

Until next time on The Audblog, where we spill it – with truth guts, and all the beans!

Be cool,

Audra